Hi! It’s us’n again – Tine and Dee – wepowting again. We dunno if you know this, but we’ve become big fans of Dilly the cwoco-wagon! (Grandma Note: Croco-dragon,” which is a cross between a crocodile and a dragon. Neither Dilly nor Dee and Tine are very good with so many Rs in a word.) It’s been bearwy hard on us, a’cuz she went on holiday for a week, so we misseded her while she was gone. (Her bwuder. Bob, was gone too.)

Anyway, she’s home again, and had quite the adventure! She went to a place with lots and lots of wagons and got to visit most, if not all of them! We were quite impressed!!! Imagine our swerpwize, when owa Gwandma told us about our wagon relationships! Whodathunk a pola-bear and stuffed doggy could from a famiwee wif lots of dwagons, too?

Nah, we’re not as cool as Dilly! We’re not welated to dwagons, our great-uncle, Gwandma’s bwuder, useded to have a wide vah-why-ity of dwagons himself. Gwandma told us all ‘bout it (but she has no pikchores to pwove it. Sowwy! Dilly’s pikchores were so cool!) She’s helping us tell what she told us, a’cuz there’s a whole lot to tell and a whole lotta words we nevah heard before.

Gwandma’s bwuder’s name is Danny! (Their cousins call him “Dan, Dan, the Mountain Man” a’cuz he lived two woom house on a big mountain in Va-gin-ya all by his lonesome for years!) He’s Gwandma’s older bwuder, so bearwy, bearwy, bearwy old now. (Grandma Note: Not that old! He’s only 53 now, but all of his collection of reptiles have either gotten away or died over the decades, since he first started collecting them.) Since he’s Gwandma’s bwuder, that makes him our gweat-uncle.

Even Gwandma says he was nevah a nowmal bwuder, a’cuz he was always collecting new dwagons (she calls them “weptiles and am-fib-bee-ans,” but we know they’re dwagons) and taking good care of all of ‘em. She doesn’t remember how old he was when he started collecting them, but he was young ‘nuff that his Mommy and Daddy thought it was safe to talk ‘bout what he was getting for Christmas, if they spelled it out! His Mommy told his Daddy that she was going to buy him a n-e-t for Christmas (so he could collect more turtle dwagons or catch fishies for his turtle dwagons to eat.) He got excited and said, “Oh goodie! I’m getting a net for Christmas.”

They nevah spelled Christmas gifts in front of him again, but he did get a long handle net for Christmas anyway. (He got a new one, evwee udder Christmas, a’cuz he useded them so often they’d wip apart in time.) Evwee time they saw a turtle dwagon walking along a road – in this country or Canada, where they used to go vacationing when they were little – they’re Mommy or Daddy would stop the car (yes, even back then they had cars), so Danny could go get the turtle dwagon. Usually, he found box turtles dwagons, but sometimes it was paint turtles, red-bellies, bog turtles, snappers, spotted turtles, and he even found slider’s once in a great while. (They’re pet shop turtle, so someone was mean enough to let them loose in the northeastern states, where they aren’t native, so they’d die, if’n he didn’t rescue them.)

By the time he was 14, he had about 200 turtles – 197 males and 3 females. (We askeded Gwandma how he knew if it was a boy turtle dwagon or a girl. Her face turned a funny red cah-wer, but then she remembered that they have different sizes of tails and the front of their shelves was different. She couldn’t wemembah anymore, but we suspect the girl turtle dwagons wore pretty pink ribbons on the front of their shelves, a’cuz Dilly wears them, too!)

He kept them in their backyard in a turtle dwagon pen, that was about 9’ X 12’ (a little less than 3 meters by 4 meters – almost the size of our backyard, so it was bearwy big.) It was made of 4’ high chicken coop wyah, with a small corner section closed off for baby turtle dwagons, since they are so small they could be smothered by an older turtle accidentally, or stepped on by Danny, when he went into the pen to feed them. (Some times, he used it for his small snakes, a’cuz the wyah had smaller holes, so they couldn’t s’kape.)

The smallest size, plastic kiddy pool, was dug into the ground in one side of the pen, with slate rocks along one section of it, so the turtles could get out, when they went for a swim. Also, it had a few tomato vines and some cucumbers, plus Danny’s s’perment garden. One year, he’d sow some of the watermelon seeds he saved after eating a slice; another year, he grew popcorn (that’s where Gwandma gave us the idea to grow popcorn last summer), and once he let the mullberry sapling stay, when the neighbor’s tree was dropping its fruit. (That tree got beary big, before it was removed by future owner’s of the house.)

The garden grew, a’cuz the turtles loved fresh veggies and fruit, but the turtles needed more then what could be grown in the pen to eat. Just about every day, Danny would go to a near by gwoup of lake (six lakes in all) to catch a few small sunfish or minnows to add to the pond (kiddy pool), so the turtle dwagons could have a little meat, too. Even so, with that many turtles, occasionally, he had to buy a pound of raw hamburger or some mealy worms for them. (The mealy worms stayed alive in the fridge. Ewwww!)

But, he didn’t have just turtle dwagons! He also had one to ten black snakes dwagons or gardner snakes dwagons, an iguana dwagon, sometimes some bullfwog dwagons, and a caiman, which is related to the alligator and crocodile.

Gwandma told us she spent fifteen minutes one day chasing the caiman around the turtle pen with a broom, until he let go of the bearwy biggest bullfwog dwagon – it could fit in boff of her hands, and she was 14 then, so bearwy old wif bearwy big hands – in his mouth. Only the fwog legs were sticking out of its mouth, and they kept flicking back and fowf, like it was twying to hop out. Ewwww!!! The caiman did welease the bullfwog eventually and the fwog dwagon hoppeded away. They wemained in the same pen, but she’s sure the two fwog dwagons always watcheded out for caimans, aftah that.

All those critters (that’s what Gwandma’s family called her bwuder’s pets) stayed in the turtle dwagon pen all summer, and the ones not native to New Jersey were brought in for the winter. The ones from that area (which is acwoss the wivah from us), stayed in the pen all winter, but her bwuder would fill it too the top wif waked leaves to keep them in-s…in-sah…in-sah-laded while they hibernated in winter. (Most bears hibernate, too, but Teddy Bears don’t hafta, a’cuz we live in a nice warm house. Doggies don’t hibernate, but we do like to sleep a lot!)

In his room in aquariums, he also had toad dwagons, tadpoles that turned into fwog dwagons, skink dwagons, newt dwagons, chameleon dwagons (more like the one in the video then the bulgy eye ones), horned toad dwagons, which are weally desert lizards, not toads, and salamander dwagons. The baby box turtle dwagons lived there, in the wintertime, too.

Feeding all his pets was constant work, particularly since he got 50¢ a week allowance, (we don’t get any allowance) and he was totally in charge of feeding them all. In the summertime, his older bwuder and younger sister (Gwandma) would hold an annual fair for the neighborhood kids. It included a guided tour of the museum, which was Danny’s aquariums set up on the picnic table so everyone could spend 10¢ to learn all ‘bout his collection. Also, there was a fast wide alllllll around the block in their red wagon, fortune telling by Gwandma (her oldest bwuder would tell her what the person would get – a free tour, or a free Kool-aid ice cube – in their futchur, and they would get it for free right after the reading. And, the refreshments included homemade cupcakes for 10¢ each, (made by Danny and his Mommy the day befoah), frozen Kool-aid ice cubes (one for 3¢, and two for 5¢, an extra 2¢ if they wanted Pixie Stick dust on their cubes.)

He also started raising bunny rabbits to have a litter or two to sell to local pet stores for $7 each. The first year, with one boy and two girls, 25 babies were born foah days before Easter.) Both bwuders would twap muskrats for their hides, (we don’t know what that means and Gwandma says we don’t want to know?!) and 25-30 pound snapping turtles for local restaurants to serve as soup. ($1 a pound.)

Of course, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back then, burger was only 69¢ a pound, and mealy worms were only a penny a piece. (Ewwww!)

One summer, Danny found 3 pray mantis cocoons. He put them in his toad and frog aquarium, but each cocoon hatched about 100 baby pray mantiseses, so he had too many. When they forst hatch, they are bearwy small, so some escaped too, and he had a couple of hundred baby pray mantiseses loose in his room for a while.

And, since black snakes and caimans like rodents, he also had an aquarium full of gerbils or mice. Gwandma was never sure, if they were pets or merely food, but they had babies whenever the big reptiles needed dinner. (We’re not shor what that means, but Gwandma says we don’t wanna know either.) His critters always had plenty to eat.

Danny’s love of dwagons didn’t end when he grew up either, but this is a story about his many dwagons – not his chickens living in trees, a peacock, lots of fishies in his homemade ponds, bigger snakes and caimans, dogs, pigs, goats, even more turtles, and bunnies. (He used the bunnies as lawn mowers, not to eat. Not as good as Aunt Valentine (Dee’s aunt, Tine’s Mommy) has it, but it’s a good thing to be an animal living with Danny and not ending up being dinner for him or his critters!)

Unfortunately, his life got too busy to keep getting new pets, so all of his critters have died over the years. (Did we mention he is bearwy, bearwy, bearwy old?!) We will never get to see them. Mommy thinks it is good news though. His current girlfriend didn’t know about his love of critters, so she askeded him to marry her, and he said “yes.” He’s getting married this month, and won’t have a single dwagon at the wedding!

We understood as Gwandma told us ‘bout his dwagon pets, but we might have falling asleep, when she got to the yucky kissy-wissy, lovey-dovey, gooey, boy-cooties, stuff! Ewwww!

We hate baths! We were promised it wouldn’t be another year before our nexted bath, and we’re making Mommy stick to it – a whole ‘nother year before we get another one. (Mommy Note: That was promised last June, so the year is almost up. Still, in their minds – selective thought – it will always be a year away from today – EVERY today. I’m getting that blank, “your point?” look from the two brothers, who are impatiently waiting for me to stop writing so they can tell their scathing story.)

Scathing? Maybe. (We don’t know what that means, so we can’t say.) Story?! Oh, no! This is quite real.

Well, apparently, Mommy just can’t help but give baths, and she was unusually cruel. (Mommy Note again: I’ve run out of teddy bear cleaner, and these stuffies have had this done before with no terrible consequences.)

Again – we don’t know what con-sa-quens-sis means, but it sure was terrible! Mommy gathereded all our neighbor-stuffies/distant family together (Grover, Dino – the Jersey Devil, Philly Phanatic, Tigger, and Raggedy Ann, although she’s both a stuffy and doll) and batheded them in the clothes washer!!!!! (Mommy Note again: I used the gentle cycle, only used the two-minute wash cycle with no extra rinse, and planned to let them air dry, so they didn’t have to face the dryer, too. How would you wash a two and a half foot Raggedy Ann – all by herself? She’s 30 years old!)

It was terrible! Raggedy Ann’s legs fell apart and there was stuffing everywhere! (Mommy Note again: The striped part of her legs, must have rotted. She’s 30 years old!)

AND, Mommy couldn’t fix her right away, a’cuz she has to dry out! How would you feel seeing your inners hanging out while YOU dry out? (Mommy Note again: I ordered some new fabric to match the red and white stripes on her leg, that’s actually called “Raggedy Ann red and white fabric.” She’ll be OK.)

At least she had her wet family with her – Grover, Tigger and all! We went downstairs to visit her, and she was sadly singing, “I Fall to Pieces.” We had to cry with her. It was terrible. And yet, when Daddy and Mommy heard her singing that sad song, they laughed! (Mommy Note again: Oh, come on! It was funny!) They laughed! Stuffies simply should NEVER get ANY baths EVERY! It’s just too dangerous!

(Mommy Note again: Fortunately, I bought some socks a while ago that must have been mislabeled, because no grown woman could ever fit in them. Once Raggedy Ann finally dried, I rearranged her legs to go back to their normal shape, and stuffed them into the socks, while her family sat next to her to make sure I was taking good care of her. The socks were just the right size, so she doesn’t have to look at the falling apart legs, while I wait for the fabric to come in. Once it comes in, I’ll sew the bottom half of her legs again, and then re-stuff them, so she’ll be as good as new. She’ll be fine, and no one will ever be washed in the clothes washer again. I really do feel terrible doing that to her, but I’m glad the repairs I made on Tigger’s mouth a couple of years ago, held up during the wash. I must be getting better at sowing, if all the repairs on my stuffed animals are holding up so well.)

Tine and Tee, Valentine and Teddy’s twins, had their fourth burffday yesterday. Since Tee’s a boy, and Tine’s a girl, we thought we had the perfect idea on what to do to celebrate – let them decide together, what kind of party they wanted. Smart, huh?

Well, they came up with a good compromise, but it was a lot of work, too! We needed the help of all our teddy buddies and Small City Animals, as well as our family. We needed to make a large platform up in a tree, a’cuz Tee wanted to climb trees for his burffday, but we then had to decorate it and set it up for a pretty pink party for girls, a’cuz Tine wanted a tea party. (Try and say, “Pretty Pink Party” fast three times. Doable, but your lips will go numb! Kehehehehehe) It gets more complicated!

Tee wanted to play Soldiers with his Action Figure in charge, and Tine also wanted to play house with her Doll Baby. Good thing that they’ve grown up together so closely, so we could talk Tee into having a tea party with all the Action Figures and Doll Babies and Baby Dolls, and Tee would put her Doll Baby down for a nap, before joining in on playing Soldiers.

Besides all the frilly pink lace, pink chairs, enough room for all girls and gals to gather around the tea party table, and, of course, all of our tea sets (yes, we’ve played tea party with our girls before, so we have a couple of tea sets), we also had to set up plenty of staging areas for a good war, and lots of marbles to bomb the enemy.

By the time we were ready for the party, we had a large, multi-level platform in a good climbing tree that was hard to see, because of all the camouflage we hung around it for the soldiers to hide. BUT, when we did climb in, it looked like a girl’s playhouse all ready for the Queen to visit. It was all “pink and princessy,” as our girl’s new heroine, Dilly the croco-dragon, would call it.

Matter of fact, after we decorated it for war, and as our wives were decorating it for the tea party, we slipped into the Helioplaneship Boxcar with Axlerod to fly over and pick up Dilly as our daughter’s special surprise guest, and Bob, Phytheas, and several other British and North American stuffy and doggy buddies.

Now, Bob and Dilly were busy preparing for a holiday (we call them vacations, but like the word “holiday” better, ‘cuz sounds like you get to choose your own private holiday as a week off time), which is why we brought Axlerod. He has his Special Magical Time Thingy.© (One out of seven stuffed animals can slow down or stop time in certain spots for as long as they want. Axlerod is the only one in our family, who can do this. We didn’t want to freak out anyone’s Peoples by taking their much-needed stuffies and doggies away without telling them, so we go get them in our lightning fast vehicle, and Ax sprinkles some Magical Time thingy. © They can come visit us for the day, and get back at the exact same time we stopped off, so no one even notices they were gone. We suspect Bob T. Bear has Magical Time Thingy, © too, but he’s a spy, so he couldn’t tell us, or he’d have to kill us.)

We returned just in time to pick up the burffday twins and their cousins (Spaulding and Lady’s kids.) They had just woken up from their naps, and would have panicked, if our Mommy and Daddy weren’t there to remind them that they should not ask questions or worry about where everyone has gone on burffdays!

The girls were so exciteddy to meet Dilly that they could hardly talk at first. Good thing they are girls, cuz silence is simply not common for girls, so they were REALLY talking by the time we got to the party (and it’s less then a minute away by boxcar.) Now the boys wanted to be cool around their British buddies, so they acteded like they met Phytheas and Bob T. every day.

Eevvvverybody got exciteddy when they saw where the party would be, and all the guys “accidentally” fell several times while climbing up the tree, so they’d have to start all over. (Our wives pretended it didn’t bother them when they saw their little boys falling.) Now the girls like climbing trees, too, but knew a tea party was up on that platform, and they wanted to show off their climbing skills in front of the boys, so they climbed up quickly and then “ooooooooo” and “aawwwwwww” about how perty everything was. They were so happy to see how princessy everything looked, particularly when they’re favorite stuffy, Dilly, was exciteddy as they were. It was the first time they ever heard her “Mweah” in front of them, and they ended up Mweahing all day.

Usually boys don’t like tea parties, but usually tea parties don’t have real cake and real tea. (OK, we found out that we like coffee more than tea, but there was also NeHis soda pop for everyone to drink in their tea cups, too, so everyone could drink whatever they wanted in their teacups.) Now the cake was made especially for Tine and Tee’s burffday, so our wives baked a wonderful long cake in the shape of a pink feathery boa that wraps around the neck. But, since it was also for Tee, a boy, this boa was also in the shape of a boa constrictor snake, too, so under some of the feathery looking frosting was a pair of eyes and a split tongue like a snake! (Dilly called it “a princessy wagon nayke!” Dilly is two, so she says “wagon” instead of dragon.” Our daughters did too, after that.)

And, because so many of our guest eat stuff we never could, half of it was made of stale pizza crust for the pigeons and birds, acorns and nuts for the squirrels and mice, tender marsh plants for the geese and ducks, and, ummmm, well, the beary end of the tail had some maggots and mealy worms (YUCK) for Dilly and her friend Meanie Dragon (who isn’t really mean at all.) Since there were so many doggies, and Axlerod, our dog-in-charge, likes Dinty Moore Stew in a can, the half of the cake that wasn’t normal cake mix, was also swimming in a sea of Dinty Moore Beef Stew – out of the can! (Why can’t everyone discover that hotdogs are the bestest food in the whole wide world?!) And, for the variety of stuffies, we had some honey for dipping, and chocolate covered peanuts, just in case someone didn’t like any of the cake.

After the formal tea party, (when many of the boys kept “accidentally” knocking plastic soldiers off railings, including us) all the dishes were put away. (The cake was gone, so didn’t neededed to be put away, but the dogs were quite helpful in licking all the plates clean, before putting them away.)

Some of the older or smaller Small City Animals and Stuffies, lead by Molly and Silverback, our Hotel keeping mice, volunteered happily to watch all the Doll Babies and Baby Dolls take their naps under another tree. Marbles may simply bop most of us, if they miss their targets, but they can be quite painful, if you’re a beary small animal or a baby. Dilly had to promise them many times that her baby doll, Snayke, wouldn’t eat them. Mice get nervous around snakes – were even nervous around Dilly, until they found out she preferred bugs and worms, bot mice.

Then the plastic soldiers were all set up (many brought their own and their own marbles too, so there were lots and lots of soldiers to bomb!) After everything was set up, everybody took turns flicking their bombs (marbles) at the soldiers, (a difficult task with no thumbs), until they were all picked off. Since some were on railings, some were in foxholes, and many were well hidden, it took a while.

It also wasn’t safe to be under the tree with that many marbles flying – at least that’s what Ax told us, as he and his thinking buddies gathered down there to kun-furr ‘bout their latestest s’pearments. We don’t know what took longer – bombing soldiers or finding escaped marbles, but we sure had lots of fun!

We did bring out more food to eat afterwards – hotdogs, of course, but also honey, more Dinty Moore Stew, and a variety of the food leftover from last winter’s storage in our Hotel NOLA for lost or homeless stuffies and/or Small City Animals. After everyone relaxed, enjoying their happy tummies (and the kids kept climbing around the climbing tree), we tookeded our special guests home, so they’re Peoples wouldn’t worry ‘bout them. (They never knew they were gone.)

Tee and Tine said it was their bestestest burffday ever! We’re happy, but a’scared, too! How are we going to make their next burffday even better?! Kehehehehehehe